This has been an interesting week. We got our positive beta hCG test, the numbers more than doubled; we got another test done at a separate lab just in case the first one had messed up (yes! It has happened to us in the past) and at 20dp3dt my levels were at 13,560…a level I have never achieved before with any of our previous pregnancies.
So that’s good news right? I should be happy? But I am just OK! Well it’s not right of me to say I’m not happy, but I’m just afraid that if I start being happy, it will all be taken away from me…so I chose to be realistic until we are completely out of the woods. The docs think I should smile, the nurse thinks I should smile and even DH keeps asking me…why am I not smiling!!
I asked myself all the whys? And realised, that I have no control over this anymore (not that I did in the even in the beginning!). So why fuss, why be worried, why be scared? Sounds easy… but it is just so difficult to force myself to to feel a certain way.
Please don’t get me wrong, I am more than grateful to be where we are today. We even had our first early pregnancy scan yesterday and it was an overwhelming moment. I saw our sweet little pea…right there where it should be! And this is definitely a couple of steps ahead of where we’ve been before BUT we have a long long way to go! (Somehow that seems to supersede the former joy for me).
Anyway – so I am 5w6d as of today. I am still on all the post-IVF meds including the progesterone suppositories and a weekly progesterone oil injection. I think these will continue until for a few more weeks. I have all the early pregnancy symptoms taking over me – nausea, overly sensitive nose, bloating, queasiness, sore boobs – you name it! I am not complaining because I know that this only means that our sweet little pea is growing healthy and fine and my body is adjusting to its presence. That’s a good sign and I will hold on to it for now 🙂