Tag Archives: family support

Am completely off what I love doing the most…cooking!

I can’t remember the last time I cooked or helped myself to something from the fridge. The kitchen is completely off-limits for a couple of weeks now. Even the thought of going into the kitchen (even as a type this and I swear I am not exaggerating!) makes me want to barf!

So how do I manage to control my nausea and still manage to keep things in?

  1. Andy – my dear husband.

I never call him DH and neither do I take pride in glorifying him in front of others. That’s just not us. We’re one of those couples who constantly make fun of each other or pulls each others’ leg out in the open. Though deep down I have profound appreciation for him as a person, as a man, as a son, as a husband and (hopefully soon enough…) one day as a father.

I have recently started helping out in our in-laws family business where Andy works so        we’re pretty much together through the day. I just have to look at him with my ‘I’m not doing so good look’ and he’s up and out of the office rummaging through the kitchen to get me something that’ll soothe my taste buds.

It honestly is no easy task. I try to put myself in his shoes and often wonder what I’d be doing. For example, Andy is up around 6-630am every other day to go to the gym and I’m up at around 7am. I need to have something almost as soon as I’m up otherwise the throwing up begins. When I’m up, I see a bowl of cereal, a small glass of milk and a cut fruit all nicely cling filmed sitting by my bedside. Even on the days that he doesn’t go to the gym, my food is by my bedside when I get up and he is sound asleep right next to me…not sure how he does it but I love him so much for doing it 🙂

2. My mom.

One of the perks of moving back to India and living just 15 mins from my parents’ place is that I get to have mom’s food anytime I want. Lately, it seems like her food is the only food I crave, I want and keep down. She couldn’t be more thrilled about it because she takes pride in the fact that I can eat only her food in my state. If it were up to her, she’d be more than happy if I moved back in with them for sometime!

Anyway, that’s not happening but it’s a blessing to have my mom so close by. I either swing by for lunch and get a goodie bag for dinner or send one of our office boys to get me packed lunches and dinners (sorry – I know I am being pampered!)

3. Domestic help.

Last but not the least, I feel fortunate for having enough domestic help around the house where I don’t have to force myself to cook, clean or do the laundry. Another BIG advantage of living in India and with my in-laws particularly is that we have that …and I feel pretty lucky to have them around. These guys are like family, been working for my in-laws for over 10-12 years. If Andy’s not around, they are super helpful and get me anything I need either from the kitchen or outside. There’s also a full-time cook making sure I don’t need to get in the kitchen if I don’t want to…(it’s a separate issue that I am a control freak, I prefer cooking my own food or giving her very specific instructions!)

So yes, I miss cooking…it used to soothe me, take the pressure off, and put a smile on my face. Now I have to hold my breadth every time I pass by the kitchen…the things pregnancy does to you! 🙂

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2WW: Day 2 & 3 of 14

I am going to combine the Day 2 & 3 and cheat a little here. I don’t feel like writing much about Day 2 because most of it seems like a blur after last evening.

Last night, I called to speak to my grandmother who hasn’t been keeping too well off late. I am very close to her and usually go see her once a week but lately with the IVF treatment going on, I have been unable to spend much time with her. Despite taking ill, she usually answered the phone in her typical “Hell…oo”. However, last night she didn’t. It was my cousin who answered the phone. She informed me that grandma was sleeping and the day hadn’t gone too well. This cousin also happens to be a doctor and from the way she was explaining things to me, it seemed to me that grandma’s health was only going to go one way now. The past week had been tough on her health – she an 82-year old diabetic with a heart condition and a newly developed lung infection. Apparently, all the testing was inconclusive and all we can do now is give her the medication required to ease the pain and discomfort.

Some things just didn’t seem to fit correctly. But the feeling I got from her was that grandma doesn’t have many days left and nothing could be done to help her condition…it could a couple of days, a couple of months, or a year. Most of this was my intuition but when I spoke to DH about it, he held my hand, made me promise to stay calm and not stress and let me know that my intuition wasn’t wrong. It seems my Mom called him and apprised him of the situation earlier yesterday and was hoping DH would find the right time to give me the news.

So today- Day 3 of 14, I’m at my grandma’s for most of the day comforting her in whatever way I can and there is a good possibility that much of my 2WW will be spent here by her side. I am trying my best to stay strong for her, for my mom, and myself.

Having some ‘IVF free’ time

I have had some forced time away from IVF the last two weeks. Long story short, I had two cysts after two weeks after stopping stimulants and starting suppressants. Sorry – I know it might sound confusing but do look at our TTC timeline in case you’d like to know what’s going on.

I knew I would get harrowed and worry about the cysts shrinking all the time. In addition, taking two injections daily instead of one was a constant reminder of what was happening even if I tried to distract myself. Just around the time we found out about the cysts, it was my brother’s birthday. I had been avoiding meeting extended family thinking it would be laborious (just mentally!) But my grand-mom hadn’t been keeping too well for the past few weeks and I thought by having the whole family together for my brother’s birthday would be a good distraction for her and I arranged for a family brunch at our place two Sundays back.

Little did I know that this would turn out to be more of a distraction for me than my grand-mom! The headcount was roughly around 12 people – all family from my mom’s side of the family. Our Sunday brunch turned out to be an all day session of poker where everybody played but DH (he doesn’t play cards) and we sort of had to push everyone out past 9pm!

It was probably the first day (after many) that I didn’t think about IVF, I didn’t think about my failed pregnancies, I didn’t think about what if this doesn’t work, I didn’t think about what next in our plan of action, I didn’t think of my infertility and no one even mentioned anything remotely related to that (not that they know but DH and I have been married for over five years now so I’m guessing it has cropped up in their mind at some point in time).

My two maternal uncles who have a crazy sense of humour made us laugh through the day; my two aunts, my mom and I exchanged recipes and talked about house decor; my two cousin sisters and I had a good girlie catch up session; my brother and I caught up after a long time; it just felt great having dad around all day; speaking to my grand-mom reminded me of the simplicity and small pleasures in life and finally DH played wonderful host through the day and even made tea for everyone…something he hasn’t done in over a year since we moved out of London. Everything about that day made me smile.

Lesson to self – never underestimate the support you can get from family. It does not matter whether they are aware about your infertility.

All in all, I felt ‘lighter’. I got a glimpse of what I would be like if I didn’t carry the ‘burden of worries’ that are self-created and come along with dealing with infertility. I realised that “not being worried” or “not being anxious” or “not thinking about IVF and infertility” is not going to impact the outcome of our treatment. Then why would I not have more days like these?!? (no! not playing poker everyday but having at least some IVF free time.)

Of course, this is all easier said than done…but I guess it is the realisation that counts! 🙂