Tag Archives: being a mother after infertility

My 16-month old bundle of joy

My little bundle of joy is not so little anymore! Baby B is now 16-months old, looking more like a 2 year old! No- seriously, physically and mentally (touchwood) she’s doing great. She vocalises herself well, uses so many words and even tries repeating everything everyone says. She’s a quick learner and an admiral observer. She gets bored easily by doing the same things so I have to keep up with her by introducing new things to her all the time – be it the way we talk, the games we play, the toys we have or the books we read! Eric Carle is ‘easy peasy’ for her and she spots all animals from a macaw to a camel to a toucan to a giraffe! She challenges me as a mom on a whole new level.

Today, she decided to bite her own fingers for some reason. She thought it was funny at first and then bit harder realising what pain felt like. I honestly saw real fat painful tears and for some reason she continued to bite herself and cry. I had to watch her very closely and hold her hands down. When I offered my fingers to bite, she refused…and bit herself again! Funny girl 🙂

I was working today for half a day partly because I had work and partly because I have been so run down physically and mentally that I don’t think I am there for her a 100%. Baby B always notices I get blood draws every 48 hours not because she’s seen someone prick me with a needle but because she sees that little white medical tape on my arm, touches it gently every now and then and hums a little ‘ssss’ (like it hurts).

I love her to bits – its almost scary how much I love her.

Tonight, she didn’t fall asleep in my lap and didn’t cry when I left her in the crib in the room. But after a little while, she started calling out to me (just a few minutes after I got my blood test results and I was feeling down). I was in need of a hug…someone to tell me all was okay. And she kept calling out my “Mamma”. I usually don’t go in to grab her and she invariably falls back asleep in a few minutes. But today, I went in when she kept calling my name out for 10 minutes. I grabbed her, she hugged me. She hugged me nice and snug and tighter and tighter and gave me unwarranted kisses and hugged me again resting her head on my shoulder. Its almost like she knew – she knew I needed that hug. She loves me unconditionally and thats the best kind of love. This is the clean kind of love…so pure so real. DSC_0465

Quick update on our latest pregnancy:

I started on methotrexate and my beta HCG levels dropped yesterday to 371 (from 409) 48hours earlier. No more meds for now and blood draws will continue every 48hrs. We’re away on holiday …just a short city break in five days. I’m thinking this won’t be resolved by then but hoping it won’t interfere with our family time away.